Let’s face it, the honeymoon phase is in the past and the present isn’t looking too, let’s just say… great. Now I’m clearly no relationship “expert” however I may have some advice you might be able to do something with.
I started “dating” when I was too young. By that I mean, telling someone you like them, they regurgitate feelings, you start “dating” but avoid communication or basically acting like a couple at all cost, “dating”. I had a number of those because I thought in order to be considered cool I needed to have a boyfriend, pathetic, right? These are the relationships I will not be covering today, simply because (in most cases) they do not last.
Which brings me to what I will be talking about, I’m going to go ahead and call it “serious” dating. You know, the type where you want to marry each other and very well could someday. Many of you may already know this but for those who do not, most relationships hit a stage that is often referred to as the honeymoon phase. Ever heard of the saying “nothing lasts forever”? Well, in this instance it might very well be true. Let’s take a step back for a minute.
Remember those romantic dates when he made every little thing about you? When the two of you were invincible? You both tried anything and everything to look perfect and impress the living life out of each other. Let me tell you why that often changes later down the road.
Life gets messy, priorities get rocked, which causes people to over think their relationships status. People get messy, people get laid off and/or fired, the past gets brought up, or better yet, shows up, which leads to unnecessary insecurities, and unwanted arguments. It’s not that they don’t love you; the fact you’re reading this shows some sort of feelings you have towards them. So, before you start over thinking things or convincing yourself the two of you are no longer in love, take a deep breath. Hear me when I say this is normal. People get busy and other things begin to occupy their time. Some short examples might be, school, work, family stuff, hobbies, and much more. By focusing more on those sometimes they may focus less on you.
If this happens you need to be very cautious not to overstep the boundaries. Don’t go off accusing the other person of cheating, or lying, or falling out of love, all out of anger and theories you made up in the heat of the moment. I can’t say you can fix this problem. It’s like a child with a toy, they want it so badly, they get it and it’s the best time ever. For a day. Not necessarily “a day” per say, but a while. The honeymoon phase can last as long as you two make it. But, like everything, relationships become old news. This doesn’t mean your relationship is over and it’s time to give up, this means it’s time to step up and put in as much effort as possible. All this intense need for each other is coming to an end and now your real relationship is being put to the test. How can you try to help your relationship pass the test?
Ideas to maintain the “spark” in your relationship:
- Go out and try something new. This can be anything from yoga to skydiving. Go to a new restaurant or try going to your favorite restaurant and order something completely new, go to a park and read, find joy in other ways other than relying on your significant other.
- Make more of an effort. Make a point to ask your significant other how work was, how school was, really think of the things he/she enjoys, is passionate about and show them your interest. Tell him you are proud of him, trust me this means more than you can imagine.
- Talk about it. To your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, or sister. Ask them for insight (if you think they will give you some decent advice). Talking with the significant other is a smart idea because sometimes they are feeling the same way and sometimes they have no idea you even felt that way. Now that it is up in the air you two can work and talk through the current problems together. In other words, build a steady foundation together.
- Find mutual friends. A great alternative is making friends you both like. I personally learn a lot about my boyfriend through his friends.
- See a relationship counselor. If none of these seem to make a difference and your relationship is not worth losing, then it might be time to seek professional help. I haven’t gone this route yet but I know it is a great option when needed.
As said before, I am no relationship expert and I can’t tell you what will and won’t work. The best advice I could pass on is to show them you love and care about them. When they see this, they are more likely to show the love and care you are searching for right back. Think of the saying “treat others how you want to be treated”. Some people even say the real relationship doesn’t start until after the honeymoon phase. With time, you will know if the relationship is at its ends or is still the beginning of something beautiful. Until then show the love you have for them, put in the extra effort, and just be you. If you truly want it to work they will need to love you, not who you want to be, and not who you think they want you to be. Just be you.